Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
