On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I have tasted many bathrooms
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