what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
