sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
