Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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