Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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