I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
