all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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