Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
