guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
