i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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