Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You need Xanax blowdarts
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
