I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
