It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Dicks are not precious.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
