What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
