Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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