If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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