So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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