I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
