why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
