Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize