Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
not ubering you a puppy
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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