soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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