he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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