I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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