Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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