watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
