and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
