No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize