omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
