I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i think i just lost a toe
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
