New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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