is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
