So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Randomize
