We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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