Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
