Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize