did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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