Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
