i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
