By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
