yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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