biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
this just has baby written all over it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She's the barista slut.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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