I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
