Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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