my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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