I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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