I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
