the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
