Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize