Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
