I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
