why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i now understand why vodka
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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