So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
