And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
