Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
