Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
