I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
