We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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