you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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