I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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