ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
