Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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