You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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