Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize