Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
