he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
