An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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