Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize