She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
