im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
