i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
