They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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