We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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