I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Houston, we have a blender
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
