The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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