At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize