i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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