I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
