Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
