okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
