Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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