Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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