Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I checked into jail on foursquare
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
