The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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