Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize