Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize