I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
