He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
it's like iHOP with fire
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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