that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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