I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
