Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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