its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize