:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
