The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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