sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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