i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
