YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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