a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
