So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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