The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
